dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I will be naked everywhere
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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