my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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