Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
