In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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