I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
