i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
