Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
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