So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
