i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
