I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
