I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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