May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
