Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
