The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
is it fun? or sober?
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