Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm bleeding and have questions
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
