come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
