i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
