So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
