Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
