My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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