Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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