i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
