now i know why i became what i already was.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
