Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
