First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
