IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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