its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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