I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
