he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
