ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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