he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
the day after is always just damage control
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
