you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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