we have officially lost it.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
