You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
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