i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
They have beer where we have blood.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
