how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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