Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
