It's just like the Real World with babies
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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