I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
