...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize