im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
