Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
