Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
