whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
