new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
