I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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