Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
