fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
