I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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