I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
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