no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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