omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize