idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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