So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I'm going to jail i love you
I faked an abortion last night.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
