could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
