I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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