Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
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