Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
