she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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