Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
