There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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