I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize