i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
