Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
