so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
