The maid of honor just puked.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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