dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
40s are totally the cure
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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