Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
