you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
