i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and she was petting her beer can
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
