OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
me + whiskey = a bad person
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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