i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
