Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
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