Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
