Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
