This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
