I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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