Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
