I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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