I am in a vortex of obligation.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
this hospital has no fireball
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
