If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
