Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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