I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
