You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
