Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
