i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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