I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
