i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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