I heard we made out
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
