Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
