If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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