You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize