I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
