I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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