Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
